Pleonexia: Beyond Hubris

Sunday, May 14, 2006



By Rusty

Packing devastating 150 MPH satire, Hurricane Colbert slammed into Washington D.C. last weekend, laying waste to thousands of expensive egos and careers and leaving behind torrential whining.

One of the hardest hit areas was the White House Stenographer's Dinner, where according to anthropologists, Beltway inhabitants gather together on an annual basis to worship themselves and display their presence so the progressive peons out in the vast wasteland beyond the Beltway levees will know who is important and who isn't.

Despite the efforts of The Immaculate Decider and the High Priests of the Holy Corporate Temple to conceal the destruction wrought by Hurricane Colbert, video evidence of the carnage is spreading all over the Internets, and has been monitored with great interest at Soapbox4Truth.

This video footage confirms initial reports from the scene by Helen Thomas that Hurricane Colbert struck with little advance warning, leaving no time for President Bush to put down his guitar in the middle of his rendition of "The Yellow Elephant of Texas" and order an emergency evacuation.

Video evidence also indicates that Ken Mehlman and Jeff Gannon/Guckert left the White House Stenographer's Dinner early and spent most of the evening in the back seat of Mehlman's Ford Explorer, which began rocking even before the full force of Hurricane Colbert struck the area.

For those of us at Soapbox4Truth reluctant to dwell on the gory details of Mehlman's and Guckert's impassioned struggle over who got to drill in whose wildlife refuge first and for how long, immediate relief is available from C-Span sentinels Alma and Sylv, who reported today that if you play the video backwards, you can clearly hear Bush, Cheney, Frist, and Santorum rapping alternate lyrics of the National Anthem in Spanish.

It is no surprise to any of us here at Soapbox4Truth that FEMA was unable to coordinate relief efforts in the aftermath of Hurricane Colbert for several days. Recently excommunicated White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan explained this morning that this was due to the massive logistical problems involved in transporting relief supplies from the United Arab Emirates through Halliburton suppliers to the undocumented immigrant drivers of repossessed EnRon limousines who boycotted the relief effort because they hate America.

This left dazed survivors of the White House Stenographer's Dinner no choice but to try walking across the 14th Street Bridge to safety, where they were shot at by Arlington County deputies, who hadn't seen so many criminals in one place at one time since the State of the Union Address.

In response to the crisis unleashed by Hurricane Colbert, President Bush conducted a photo op on Friday at the Richard M. Nixon Elementary School in Rockville, Maryland, where he read the entire Book of Revelation to a class of first graders.

In response to Reed's persistant inquiries regarding the ensuing question and answer session, which became rather heated, White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett took several sedatives, and gurdgingly conceded that this first phase in a comprehensive new administration strategy to prepare American schoolchildren for the imminent arrival of the AntiChrist, who can only be defeated by Jesus and His born again younger brother, President Bush, did not impress the first graders, who voted 30-0 for immediate impeachment and walked out in disgust.

Consequently, in his Saturday Radio Address, President Bush declared the Richard M. Nixon Elementary School to be a state sponsor of terrorism, and warned that "all options to deal with the evildoers in Mrs. Wilson's first grade class are still on the table, including playground-busting nukes."

SoapBox4Truth will be interviewing Mrs. Wilson's first graders this week, so don't miss next week's newsletter, which will feature a selection of responses from them regarding this developing confrontation.

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